Week 2- Waiting for the Ultimate System

At a young age many people learn to read. We are first taught letters, then short words, later we learn more complex words, then sentences and eventually we begin reading sentences and whole books. In this list we missed the big step of learning how to read and that is to start at the top and reading only left to right. Backwards most literature does not work and quite frankly our mind will likely not grasp it regardless. Much like learning to read in one direction, tipping over a pattern of dominos, or studying an assembly line we see that they only truly function one way. 

To paint a new and better correlated picture think of a luscious pond containing all sorts of animal like, filled with lily pads, and surrounded by green trees and grass. This is a better picture to recall when trying to understand the working of the family. With parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, even nieces and nephews and often many more we see that it is nearly impossible for a family to work only in one direction. Of course, not all families are the same but many work together and have a common goal to accomplish unity among all who are involved. 

Within an individual family we can recognize that there are so many different personalities and many opinions to go around. Each person begins to develop habits that may seem quite set in stone. We often learn what we like, and dislike based of the people that we are around us as well. In a family there is often an environment that is specific and houses a lot of room for growth. Time goes on, people grow up and move out and are then faced with people who act completely different than them. It is then many people realize that they really do like things done a certain way and that all people may not have learned the same way that they did. It takes time but may people figure out how to compromise or just look past things knowing that they are not stuck with these people forever. This is another stage that people often grow even more with new ideas. 

Now taking this to a whole new level, searching for a spouse. Surely, we can’t just pick anyone off the street, we wouldn’t know if we “work well” together, heck we wouldn’t even know if we liked them. So, because of this dating has become a big part of the American society. Even through dating we do not always learn the quirks, habits, or annoyances of a partner and that is why many people follow the trend of cohabitation to try to get a better idea of what their partner is like before they make a commitment to them. Even still religiously there is another large group of young men and women that do not participate is “shacking up” making the decision to find the one to create the ultimate family ecosystem with even harder. 

Young adults who feel that they can’t find “Mr. Right” tend to rush into relationships with the fear of not fitting molds of the “normal” age to get married leading to not truly know the person enough and ultimately failed marriages. 

It is worth the work and the wait. As mentioned before mixing the culture of two different families in the form of two different people and their family background it can get sticky. You aren’t falling short for getting to truly know the person. It is in fact very important to learn about the other person and determine the type of system that is desired to be created within the family. Soon enough kids are added to the mix and in figuring out the desires of one another and keeping and building happy relationships things run a lot smoother even amongst the trials of life. 

Slow down, take your time and find a relationship in which each person can work together to create an ebb and flow, room for growth and healthy communication from all parts of current and future families.