Week 9- Effective Communication

 “Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation.” – Elder L. Lionel Kendrick 


The power of healthy communication and how to fix unhealthy communication was the main topic of this week’s class discussion. There are many different forms of communication otherwise known as media, some being words, tone, and non-verbal communication. It was startling to see the impact that words, tone, and non-verbal communication have on the way that we make sense of communication around us. Words constitutes 14% while tone is 35% and non-verbal cues is 51% equaling 100% of our interpretation. When words and tone contradict each other, we will focus more on the tone that someone is using rather than the words they are speaking. We often see problems of this when people are using sarcasm. With sarcasm the words being spoken are said in a joking tone, but there is often an underlined reviled meaning of truth. Learning more and more about this I now understand why my mom would not let us use sarcasm in my house and went as far as calling it “Sour”casm. 

The problems of communication come in the pattern of person 1 having a thought or feeling --> encoding (or creating a focused thing to say) -->producing media --> person 2 decoding the message --> having a thought or feeling. The only way that you know if what you said was received correctly if person 2 uses the same sequence to produce their thoughts through productive use of media. 

To help aid in healthy communication Dr. Burns came up with 5 secrets of effective communication. 
1. The disarming technique- find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair. 
2. Empathy- put yourself in their shoes and either paraphrase the other person explanation of how they are feeling or acknowledge what the other person is feeling based on what they said. 
3. Inquiry- being kind and gentle ask probing questions to see what the other person is thinking or feeling. 
4. “I feel statements”- to be assertive in the communication don’t accuse someone of doing something but rather describe how you are feeling and why. 
- When [event] happened, I feel/felt [emotion], because [thoughts]. I would like [create a request] 
5. Stroking- showing respect. Even if your emotions that you feel towards someone are negative, find something genuinely positive to say to the other person.  
As we focus this advice and use if in any time of personal communication especially conversations of conflict the time spent communication will be much more effective and result in a more desirable outcome. 

Lastly, we can increase the power of our communication and use it for the good when we understand the impact that words can have. Taking the time to choose wisely the words that we say especially in different company there is a much greater chance for uplifting others instead of tearing them down. As discussed in class we began talking about the different precision required for different types of surgery. Many of them require great precision especially those done in the brain. To produce the greatest outcome and decrease the amount of tissue damaged in the process of surgery, surgeons must use the sharpest tools especially in terms of scalpels. When use a sharp knife the initial desired outcome is best achieved. If it was done with a dull knife it could lead to having more tissue needing removed especially if the tissue surrounding where the desired cut is becomes damaged. That process is the process of surgical precision. The concept of surgical procession promoted the idea of using great thought and precision in our communication. It was said that of us are doing brain surgery with a butter knife. Our conversations that are the most important are being done with little respect and ultimately causing undesirable results. 

As we work on healthy communication and invite a clear mind our words and action can be promoting and not degrading one to another. 

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