Week 11- Active Parenting

 

In a world where technology is increasingly taking over much of our attention as a society on a regular basis, it is no wonder why people feel a lack of attention in most aspects of their life. Now more than ever you often times can’t even get through a conversation without receiving at least one notification. Regardless of if you check it or not at each buzz your mind is tugged from the current conversation and sharing focus with the new notification. A notification doesn’t have to stop at one buzz. We all have been in a group chat that does not stop “blowing up” and even in the midst of deep conversation our minds can become very distracted. 

This has been a new challenge in parenting over the years and is showing the in the behavior of the children of this generation. Michael Popkin has created an Active Parenting Program that takes out the feelings of lacking attention and puts in the feelings of comradery between parents and children. It is likely that undesirable or “bad behavior” has an underlying purpose for a different type of need that needs to be met. Popkin explains this well in the following graph. 

The one that stuck out most to me were the child/ teens need for contact or belonging. We have seen this for a long time and may have even termed it with a different name but essentially it is the idea that the kid will do whatever it takes to get any attention from their parent. If they are not getting attention for the good things that they are doing, they may turn to poor behavior because in their eyes any type of attention (including punishing or parental emotional outburst) is better than no attention. The Ways that we can be active parents in this situation is stated above which is to offer contact freely. This relates back to the importance of limiting distractions in our lives when our kids are around. There are times that it is necessary for a parent to be focused on a certain task and it might even be good and even beneficial for the whole family, but the kids don’t always view it that way. When we take time to show them that we care and give them a little bit of attention in the end it is a win win. They will find ways to now play on their own because they feel seen and know their needs will be met if needed. The other part of the parent is to teach a child to contribute. I have been a teenager once and I know how easy it is to blame any lack of attention on the parents being too busy or attribute it to them not caring. In teaching kids to contribute to the attention they desire will help them. It may mean to tell the kids to also get off their phones, to be more active in conversations or even initiate a time to spend with other family members to draw closer together. 

The other things that I appreciate about Popkin’s Active parenting is creating Ballast qualities. By definition, Ballast is a supporting material that helps improve the stability of big ships or railroads. When he talks about obtaining ballast qualities, I picture that as the gaining of qualities that will help improve the stability of relationships between those around you. The qualities that are most important in building supportive relationship are courage, self-esteem, responsibility, cooperation and respect. When we work on growing these qualities we can be better at seeking and providing good attention to those around us.